Struggling Christian: My potiential

It has not been more than 4 days since my last post and a point I made in the last writing has been turning around in my mind since I finished it. Something that I want people to know about these writings is that I do not just sit down and create them on the fly. They come from several hours of thought that ends in either block wall or solution. At that block wall or solution is where I decide to write so that the next phase of my ideas can be unlocked.

Now, the idea that captured my mind is, "… I feel that I cannot reach my potential with out someone by my side." (Blog March 24, 2006) The first thought was how do I know that I am not reaching my full potential? Now I am sure for the ones that know me well will say to themselves that I am living in the past and that I need to move on. Well for my response; one I must reflect on the past to know how to change for the future, and two some people reading this must need some reference to how I was. In high school I feel as if I was closer to reaching my full potential than I am right now. Thinking about this I am trying to find out when I lost the motivation that I had when no challenge was too great, and no idea too out there. From my perspective I would have to say it was the second semester of my freshman year of college.

What is different from now and back then? A couple of things have come to mind. First are the people that I surrounded myself with. Something that you need to understand about the people that I associated with in high school was that they were all loving caring, positive, motivated people. When we come home for break and we actually look forward to it so that we may be able to spend sometime together. At least once every month we try to all get together. The most important thing about this group of people that I associated with is the fact if they think that you are having a bad day or need to talk about something they will not hesitate to take however much time it takes out of their day to make sure that you are back on the right track, they are a selfless motivated group. We were getting up each day for the mere fact of doing things for the betterment of the people around us. Now, not so much; not to put down the people that I am around now, but until you have a group of friends that live how these friends live it is hard to explain. The second thing that is what I get up for. I believe there are three things you can get up for; yourself, others and God. What do I get up for in the morning now is nothing; I cannot name one thing that makes me want to wake up and go through the actions of the day. Thinking about that; I would have to say that I am getting up for myself. In high school I got up everyday for the shear fact of doing something to make someone's life better.

I was happy then. Yet I still was not my all, because I was not living for God. Today I am farther than I feel like I have ever been to reaching my full potential, is that because I know that I am not and I was before oblivious? Or am I truly farther than I have ever been? Well for this problem I at least feel like I might know the solution for my depression and the fact of not reaching my potential which is to live for God. How do I do that, and what is it? Well I feel like it can be explained by two verses in the Bible: John 15:12-13. The whole chapter is good but that is how to live for God. If I can master that slightly then I might be able to start to feel better.