How to begin to love God

I want to give back ground information on what is going to be posted after this short point of reference. My Bible study for church asked for me to start a discussion about how can one learn to love God more; this is because we realize that to love people more we must learn to love God more. I had no idea where to start; for I am person who is trying to find his faith and if you asked me 6 months ago for an answer to this question it would be different from the one that I am providing today. This is probally different from an awnser 6 months from now.

Knowing my limited knowledge I decided to pursue an answer from scholars who do have the respect and consistency which is needed to address the inquired problem. I am currently reading several books by C. S. Lewis (if you have the means pick up any of his books for all are good and provide much insight to the vastness of which is God, please do). Here is my response in an email to the group on the question, "How can one learn to love God more?" From his book The Abolition of Man my response was created.

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St. Augustine states virtue as the "ordinate condition of the affections in which every object is accorded that kind of decree of love which is appropriate to it." This quote was brought to me while a friend was reading The Abolition of Man. He then asked me what that quote means. Now I believe that most questions asked typically have a sub question connected to them. The original question A is typically for a bit of information of the objectionable form; this is for benefit of question B because question B is that of the subjective form to which the person asking wants to make up their own mind. In this case question B might be, “what implications does the inquired statement have to my life?”

Taking the above idea my plan is to present an insight of God and provide a tangible way to get wrapped up in who he is; without an extreme change to one's life.

To get the full impact of what this statement means to the reader of this book, the point needs to be addressed of what is the idea that C.S. Lewis trying to persuade us to believe. The philosophical point trying to be argued for in chapter one is that "objects did (do) not merely receive, but could merit, our approval or disapproval, our reverence our contempt." This statement is in response to Coleridges idea that; responses (emotions) to an object had the ability to be correct, and therefore also incorrect.

In light of the philosophical idea we can conclude that in this context Lewis and Augustine, state the effect of one's response toward an object reflects upon that person’s maturity to the universal idea of that object. Now if each object has a universal appeal to itself there has to something greater to give that universal appeal needed to each object. The something greater must be above both the time and matter of that object; so that most complete universal definition can be made. If no such great thing existed then each object at its own point along a line would indeed make its own universal definition which by definition of universal, would not be universal.

Summarization of the statement above is that there is a universal definition which creates a correct response to an object created by a Being above the time and matter of that object. Through this the more one allies his views to each of these individual universals the more one lives virtuous (Christ Like).

That is what the quote means and now we go onto the implied question of what does this mean to the life I live now. To do this an analogy must be set up for what God is: and that analogy is, God is beauty. The proof of this statement is that beauty in the natural sense is good (this is excluding perfectionist and perverted beauty). What is good is of and from God and therefore what is good can be shown to give insight to the One who created the object to which beauty is associated.

Now here is the important part to which I will uses this crude example to illustrate the implications. If I were to comment to you on how many Chevy Luminas there are on the road you might not have ever noticed one of them prior to our conversation. Yet, you because of our conversation are more incline to notice them on the road. As you notice one of them you will start to notice more and more of them through the breeding and training of your mind (a seed being planted). A cycle has now started in seeing-noticing-seeing (the sprout is now growing). This same form of work can be done through the beauty from God. If one commits to finding something beautiful once a day it will breed and train their mind on how to notice beautiful things, thus finding more and more beautiful things. The cycle will then become seeing beauty - understanding universals - acknowledging God's Character - becoming more virtuous - being more Christ like - then being more Christ like you will then see more beauty because you understand universals better. Thus you will be moving into a more knowing and loving relationship to God, through an appreciation of his creativeness.

In light of the above comments read Matthew 5:3-10 and a new view and perspective might reveal itself in those words of Matthew 5:3-10. Being filled with God's character one will understand universals more and as painful emotions arouse when we see lesser good objects, we need not be afraid for we will now know where to find the good of God's genius.

In summary, seek this week once a day to find something that arouses emotions of love, beauty, and awe. If you have the chance; take a picture of them or take someone with you to experience that, please do. Do this along with a prayer that God may show you his beauty in all of His creation, and the ability to see Him in everything.

Struggling Christian: Just trust

what can i say
to a question you might ask
they roll around in your mind
and in silence you will not find
and your soul fills with doubts

not to question, not to try
would be a travisty against time
the joy of failing is sweet
never pass up a chance
you might get to dance

what you might gain
what you might see
or feel, hear, touch and smell
will make it all worth
the hurt you might of had before

so ask your questions
my actions are my responce
do not trust me only your heart
it is not up to us
there is only One to trust

Struggling Christian: Me

It is starting to come to my attention that this blog is reaching a far greater audience then what was expected by me when I first starting writing this. Therefore I have decided to postpone a blog that I want to publish to write this one to describe myself so that you may have a foundation to why I am currently writing this topical blog.

There are two things from my childhood that my family constantly tells me and is worth me remembering for it has weight for who I am today. The first is when I was about 6 months old my mother took me into see my doctor. While there; the doctor told her one important piece of advice; that she was to get a hold of me because if she did not settle me down I would "rule the family". After that I spent half of my childhood in the time out chair. The other half was spent meeting people and talking to them. My aunt tells me every time we get together that when I was growing up "there was no such thing as a stranger to me." I talked to everything that moved and built relationships with those people.

Early adolescents nothing happened. Yet in High school is where everything started to come together for how I ended up here. The first thing was I was involved with leadership activities in high school. I can give you the list if you want but lets just say the list is extensive, the places I have been for trainings. The adult that was really pushing me was Marcy Bloomer a teacher that had a classroom across the hall from my locker. She became my second mother because for whatever reason I do not have a close relationship with my parents. We can stand each other but I do not let them know what goes on in my life.

Junior year Marcy passed away and I went into a hole. 3 months later I accepted Christ and did better. I did stuff with the church yet not growing as a Christian. Routine of me doing stuff with the church yet not embracing the Christian walk went all the way until last February and decided that I was done living the secular life and focus myself to pulling myself out of the cavern of the secular to walk to the narrow road of a Christian with out falling into the other side of the path into the cavern of the Religion. (I am still pulling myself out of the secular life.)

Today where am I in the different aspects of life.

School, taking a semester off and will be going back to Butler next fall. Do not want to because I feel like it is a waist of time but I made a promise to people and I will keep it.

Work, I work as a Baker at my father’s bakery. It is not that great but it helps me support my ministries.

Travel, I am currently starting to get things packed away for a mission trip to Hungry to help a conference go smoothly. The speakers that will be there are some of the most articulate and if you want to listen to some of their speeches please go to www.euroleadershipresources.org. 2 weeks after I get home I will go on my second mission trip to Mexico. I will build a couple of houses.

Theology, Christianity is the only way. This is a much broader and narrow statement then can be defined on a paper with my limited assortment of quality words. If you have questions about this or do not understand then the next one will be the reason why I believe Christianity is the only way.

Philosophy, Christianity has the distinct ability to answer any question with a quality answer. There is no question that has been asked by a person who was seeking in a loving way that has not been able to be answered.

Relationships rejuvenate me period. Right now I am single for a reason but that reason will soon be null-in-void, but until then honestly I am very happy being single and staying that way until the reason has left. Friendships on the other hand I cannot have enough of them you can ask people that I consider friends I will do anything for them. I love my friends and thank God every day for them. OKS are sacrificial in their loving.

Future will only be limited by my laziness and procrastination tendencies.

This is me. As for the reason for writing this themed blog, I just hope that it is helping some one somewhere though the trials that they go through. Questions about this can be posted on comments and I will answer them there so that others can see my response.

P.S. This statement is only for reference in a future blog and has nothing to do with anything right now. (It was not has hard to do as I thought it was.)

Struggling Christian: No Joy

Recently I meet with a friend who has just conquered apart of his life that has ruled him for years. He was so full of joy, excitement and fervor that lit up the room. Yet I was not joyful. I was happy; I want to tell the world that this person won against satin. Yet sitting there I just did not feel that joy. Those of you that have experienced that Joy know what I am talking about, the one that you get for just taking another breath. Yet for the past few days I feel like I cannot breath; that there is something here choking me. I do not know what. Is it that I am not doing what I was intended to do? Am I living in according with my gifts and talents? Yet what are my gifts? I do not know what my skills are. I feel like I am wasting away in a routine of every day without vacation? How do I know I have a vocation? It is because I have a Caller. So now it is a matter of finding my vocation to experience that Joy that I had long ago. I just feel I need a change; yet to change what?

Struggling Christian: Easter

Sitting in church today I was reflecting on what today means to my life. What does the resurrection do for the way I live; and I realized that today is the reason that I have faith.

Then the phrase "the reason I have faith" kept on repeating over and over and over in my mind throughout church because it seemed very unique. It felt like there were more layers than the one I was intending it to make. The question I asked myself is what does have mean? First I realized that have is a verb that means to posses. Yet how could I possess faith; isn't faith "firm belief in something for which there is no proof."(Merriam-Webster Online) Which by definition would faith be a verb? How can you possess a verb though? I do not think that you can; if there is a verb that you can posses please let me know for my reflection I could not think of one. So since you cannot possess a verb, faith must therefore be noun. A noun is a person, place or thing. Due to elimination we now can assume faith is a thing.

What we understand now is that faith is a thing, by the reasoning that I used above. Look around the room that you are in right now and look at all the objects that are within your line of sight. Which things do you see do not have an intent/purpose. I am looking around my room and there is nothing that does not have a purpose. So if all things that we can think of have a purpose then Faith must have an intent or purpose to its existence. (Another important fact about things is that you can acquire as much of one thing as you so desire, this will be important here in a second)

I look at my life to find out what the purpose of faith is. So I go back to the second sentence that I said above "what does the resurrection do for the way I live..." Faith has a direct correlation to the way I live. Why do I live this way? I live this way for the knowledge that I have obtained, the people that I associate with, and the experiences that I have had. Faith therefore is the acquisition of all of these things to help me decide which actions I should do or not to do.

Does faith only correlate to a Supreme Being? If my knowledge told me that riding in a plane was not safe, if I had and experience with a malfunction on a plane, and I had someone close to me die in a plane crash; then I would have faith in staying on the ground and not go into a plane. So all action is correlated to faith, and if all action is correlated to faith then everybody, does everything, due to what they believe and who or what they put faith in.

Back to my faith, the more I learn, the more I surround myself with Christians, and the more experiences that I have with the power of God then the more I will "live a life worthy of the calling I have received." (Ephesians 4:1) I am just extremely grateful for the gift of grace I was given through an event almost 2000 years ago.

Struggling Christian: Legacy

Today I almost died. Wow. Right now I might not be here, am I shaken? Am I questioning my beliefs? No, I am not. Yet, the only thing that has me thinking is what would my legacy have been?

Some of you might think that I am exaggerating about almost dieing today but truthfully I was about 1/8 of an inch from being with my Father. How? Well I was on an excavator digging a footing for an addition on my father's business. He told me to dig in this area and well I did and broke through a pipe which was supposed to be a few more feet more to the left. The top pipe which I broke the whole way through was the telephone line. The next pipe, which lay directly below the other pipe, was the electric lines that gave power to that building. So the only separation between the excavator and the wires inside was a 1/8 inch pipe. So me saying I was 1/8 inch away from not being here I was not exaggerating although I wish I was.

After this experience I started to ponder the rest of the day, what would have been my legacy been? Who would be glad that I was gone, who would be sad, who would feel guilty, and who would be jealous? Thinking about this I do not like what conclusions I came up with. Because there are so many thing that have not said to people that I care about, forgiveness I have never asked for, and people I have let down. People that I let pride and sin come into our friendship and destroy it, and people that I just do not like just because they are who they are.

Something that happened to me over spring break came to mind while I was thinking about this. One of the nights I was supposed to meet up with some friends (one's in which I was not staying with). Well I sat at the meeting place for 2 hours waiting on them and they never called or showed up. Calling my friends who I had been around the whole week picked me up and we all went to a hotel room and I decided to drink. No big deal because I was in a bad mood and not a one would have argued with me for that decision because of what happened to me before. I had not drank that much (I was still of sound mind) and a friend came walking down the street and saw me. Seeing the beer in my hand she started to ask me questions to why I was drinking for she thought I did not drink. We discussed the situation and my reasoning for drinking and I decided not to drink anymore the rest of the night. Ever since that happened I have replaying that conversation in my mind. Trying to realize why she would say something to me when no one else would, I figure that she gave me more credit for who I was and what I stand for more than I do. She believed in me when most of the time I do not.

After today, I am going to start to live that way. Live a way I was intended to live. I am going to attempt, by God's grace, to live in such a sacrificial loving way that when I do depart from this world to travel to my Father that people will be joyful for they know that I lived up to what I was made for. How I am going to reach this I do not know yet, but I know a book that will let me know how to start on that path. My life will be visual representation to "... the hope I have." (1 Peter 3:15), and my legacy will represent that living hope for which I live.

Struggling Christian: My potiential

It has not been more than 4 days since my last post and a point I made in the last writing has been turning around in my mind since I finished it. Something that I want people to know about these writings is that I do not just sit down and create them on the fly. They come from several hours of thought that ends in either block wall or solution. At that block wall or solution is where I decide to write so that the next phase of my ideas can be unlocked.

Now, the idea that captured my mind is, "… I feel that I cannot reach my potential with out someone by my side." (Blog March 24, 2006) The first thought was how do I know that I am not reaching my full potential? Now I am sure for the ones that know me well will say to themselves that I am living in the past and that I need to move on. Well for my response; one I must reflect on the past to know how to change for the future, and two some people reading this must need some reference to how I was. In high school I feel as if I was closer to reaching my full potential than I am right now. Thinking about this I am trying to find out when I lost the motivation that I had when no challenge was too great, and no idea too out there. From my perspective I would have to say it was the second semester of my freshman year of college.

What is different from now and back then? A couple of things have come to mind. First are the people that I surrounded myself with. Something that you need to understand about the people that I associated with in high school was that they were all loving caring, positive, motivated people. When we come home for break and we actually look forward to it so that we may be able to spend sometime together. At least once every month we try to all get together. The most important thing about this group of people that I associated with is the fact if they think that you are having a bad day or need to talk about something they will not hesitate to take however much time it takes out of their day to make sure that you are back on the right track, they are a selfless motivated group. We were getting up each day for the mere fact of doing things for the betterment of the people around us. Now, not so much; not to put down the people that I am around now, but until you have a group of friends that live how these friends live it is hard to explain. The second thing that is what I get up for. I believe there are three things you can get up for; yourself, others and God. What do I get up for in the morning now is nothing; I cannot name one thing that makes me want to wake up and go through the actions of the day. Thinking about that; I would have to say that I am getting up for myself. In high school I got up everyday for the shear fact of doing something to make someone's life better.

I was happy then. Yet I still was not my all, because I was not living for God. Today I am farther than I feel like I have ever been to reaching my full potential, is that because I know that I am not and I was before oblivious? Or am I truly farther than I have ever been? Well for this problem I at least feel like I might know the solution for my depression and the fact of not reaching my potential which is to live for God. How do I do that, and what is it? Well I feel like it can be explained by two verses in the Bible: John 15:12-13. The whole chapter is good but that is how to live for God. If I can master that slightly then I might be able to start to feel better.

struggling questions

Now I am going to attempt to change what my blog has been into something completely different. What I am attempting to do is to transfer my struggles, questions, and victories of life, from my thoughts and actions, into words. I am more articulate with my words than I am with letters, but I hope that the intent and meaning is to be understood which is not to have this as a sounding board for how people should be proud of me, or feel sorry for me but a way to understand where I am coming from. To offer feedback and support (good bible verses, books I should read), or just letting me know where you are struggling in which we can take our questions or struggles and let each other learn from them and grow. My hope is not just for this to benefit me but others too. Now, questions I am struggling with.

If we are honest with ourselves we can look at most of our relationships, with anyone this does not mean just boy/girl friend relationships, my definition here is larger than that. If we look at relationships we are in and are honest there is a reason for us being in that relationship. We are attempting to take an advantage from that person through having that relationship with them. We are seeing that person as a stepping stone to get something that we want from this world that we could not get from ourselves. Example of this in my life, which I hope is not truly an example because I hope that the friendship that I have with this person is rooted more than what I am explaining here. I have this friend for several years, yet our friendship has grown greater recently, we confide in each other about issues that are in our lives. Now what do I think about when ever we have discussions is her friend that I am interested in. What has happened is that what I want has become the center of the relationship, instead of having the person being the center of the relationship. When this happens the relationship is corrupted and will rot; not be what it was originally intended to be. Now is our friendship rooted in that, NO! But, am I looking for an advantage with this friendship, unfortunately yes, and do I have to let her know this, probably.

Taking this stripped down example, I have been looking at my relationship with God. I have been reflecting to see what I am trying to gain from God. What I have found is not what I am trying to get out of my relationship with Him but what am I owed. I do not know about you but feeling owed instead of looking for an advantage is something far worse for it is rooted in pride and not greed; pride in which I am at the same level as God; which is exactly where I defiantly do not want to be. Feeling owed something means that I have done a service for someone to get something. Yet, how can I do anything for God who is Almighty, and does not need me for anything? This was a piece of advice that was told to a friend who shared it with a group I was in, “God does not need you but he can use you.”

Now let’s look at the smaller misconception I have about life and ask myself how I can look for an advantage with my relationship with God. Because like my example the person is not the center of the relationship, what I want is the center. Causing the thing I want to be bigger than the Person in the relationship. How can my thing be bigger than God? The Bible talks about God providing everything. So if the advantage that I am trying to get is being "BIG" as a successful, well known person with an easy life. This makes it so that I am not searching after the one that can give me that but I am searching after that and will never receive it. For when you go after something you will never get it, but when you strive past it is when you will be able to achieve it.

OK, now that I understand what I am trying to get out of my relationship with God, which by the way figuring that out sucked, but this one was even worse. I need to figure out what things I feel like I am owed from God and why. After much reflection I realized that I feel like I am owed a relationship with someone (not a certain someone) but someone that will in turn become my wife. Why, because I feel that I cannot reach my potential with out someone by my side. That she will compliment me and create that motivation that I lack so often today. As I will her. I will see her full potential for what it is and will do what I can to help mold her into a person God intended. I feel like I am owed because I think that I cannot achieve what I was made for alone. Am I making excuses? Am I limiting God and His capability? Am I making a fantasy of what a marriage relationship will be? This is not to mention what pressure I am creating for the relationship. Making it so that no one is good enough to meet the misconceptions I have made about what marriage will bring.

I don't know. I do know that I need to rid myself of this stuff. Piece by piece, this crap that has infiltrated my mind and my relationship needs to be cleansed. I do not know how or where to start. All I know is that I need to do this before I can have a truly positive relationship, with God or a girl.

Philippians 2:1-11

The questions for this reading were: Why do you do the things that you do? What does the word servant mean to you? Are you encouraged by other believers? who are they? what do they do?

Why do we do the things that we do? Wow is that a tuff question. Yet almost seems fitting considering the conversation that I had with a friend not more than 10 min. ago. I am in a situation with another, I have been unsure in how to handle it due to the circumstances. Tonight, I finally decided to break down, call a friend and tell someone about this situation. (sorry for being vague, but it does involve other people that probably do not want to be mentioned). After discussing the situation with him we started a dialogue about what options I had and what I should do. What was decided was I was once again trying to take the wheel and drive my own life and in turn trying to drive the other person’s life. Reflecting on that, I had a question of were all of the things that I have been doing for that person for myself? Was I doing the things that I was because I wanted to gain an advantage over that person so that I may be able to gain something? I hope not but now I can see that it is a possibility.

Now sitting down here to do this small study I had that first question. Then I look at the Bible and it says “do not only look for your interests but also to the interests of others.” Was I looking out for their interest or only mine own? Do I have the attitude of Jesus? What is that attitude? Servant is a word they use to describe Jesus. The word servant in the original Greek meaning was doulos, the word meant

1) a slave, bondman, man of servile condition

a) a slave

b) metaph., one who gives himself up to another's will those whose service is used by Christ in extending and advancing his cause among men

c) devoted to another to the disregard of one's own interests

Did I have these attributes no? Yet I say, well I did A, B, and C for them, does that not count. Well from what we read here, it does not in that relationship that I had with my friend. Why, because my attitude was not right.

How do we gain this attitude? Simply, we must interact with people that encourage us. If one is around people that encourages one's self then that one tends to be in a better mood. When one is in a better mood he is more incline to do acts of good will. Not out of one's own interests because his interests have been meet prior because of the encouragement from people around. Yet what are the encouraging acts that a person does, rooted in? The acts of encouragement are rooted in the receiving parties own best interest, typically the acts of encouragement are unknown to the one that is giving the encouragement, that is why they are in the best interest of the receiving party. I am encouraged through my faith by many people. Not going to name names. I am encouraged by a O. king for his passionate heart for the wellbeing of the people that he cares about. I am encouraged by another O. king for his wisdom that he imparts on me if I want it or not. I am encouraged by this sister for her willingness to open up and be honest for prayers. Also many more people for many more reasons. All of these are not done for their good but for the good of the people that they interact with every day. Their actions rooted in my interest and not their own. I know this because I am encouraged in my faith. I see a glimpse of a servant’s heart in their eyes and realize that the more I am able surround myself with these types of activities then the more I will be able to do acts of service and encouragement myself. I will then in turn do activities that are in the best interest of the people that I interact with.

Philippians 1:12-30

The questions for this reading are: What actions do you have that are routine for you that is an encouragement to others? How do you deal with pain and negative situations that go on in your life? What type of conduct is worthy of the gospel?

Paul in writing this letter was under house arrest for him preaching the Gospel. Although, looking at this if it were me in his situation I would be bitter, hard hearted, and cynical for being in that circumstance. Yet by the tone of his words he seems to be excited; how can this be? For Paul it is simple. Christ is being show through him by his suffering, and because of this others are being encouraged by this and are now beginning to become more courageous in sharing the faith. Strength breads strength.

I was once told a story about General George S. Patton (at least I think that was the general of the story) but during the Invasion of Italy in World War 2 a solder was walking towards the front lines when a jeep with General Patton started to pass him by. The soldier called out the General "Where are you going?" The General while still driving at a decent speed past the soldier yelled back "To the front lines." At that point that soldier started to run to the front lines along with all of the ones around. Why General Patton was so successful was because he was courageous and that feed the rest of the men.

What is encouraging for me is when others stand up for their faith. This does not have to be something to the point where Paul was but can be something when challenged by another person you just stand firm and hold on to your faith. The best part of that is when that starts to feed off of each other when one person takes a stand then that makes it easier for others and when it is easier for others then all will grow.

What do you do in negative situations? I know what I do and that is not what is in line with my faith. I am guilty of becoming hard hearted, on fire with anger, and cold to affection. Yet what can we see is the right course of action through what Paul is going through, Prayer, hope and courage. If you have not seen the power of what prayer can do then pray for God to show you what power he has in this world and you will see that no situation is so bad that he cannot give you what you need also letting others know will increase the chances of the prayers coming true. Paul has a unique outlook on his life that has made him look at situations differently than most people. He says to live is Christ and to die is gain. He expects his life to be an encouragement for others. That he is alive so that he may be a leader of men to Christ. What do you expect from your life? What are your motives? Mine are no where close to that right now. My expectations for life have changed drastically over the past couple of months. They are now to the point I do not know what to expect out of life but I am looking for a new expectation one that will leave me fulfilled. You will not find that in money for you can always have more, or friends because there can always be a better one, or love because it is not what you thought it would be. I am not saying that these things are bad because they are not but what I am saying is that looking for them to fulfill you it will not happen. Only Christ will. For what Paul realized is that what he desires may not be what is best.

I pray that you may not be discouraged by this for that is not my motive for it is exactly the opposite. I ask those questions for you to think of what God wants for your life. I heard a sermon a couple of weeks ago that said when you find what God wanted you to do and you do it you will experience Joy. I am leaving because I think I might have found what God wants me to do therefore I am going. Some of you might have felt the same as I, looking for your purpose and not feeling like you are being used. I am here to tell you that you all have been an encouragement to me. One way or another each of you when I see you allows me to look at my motives of living and relines my motives to ones in which I may be conducting myself in a manner in line with the Gospel.

Yet I say that but what does that really mean? "Conducting myself in a manner in line with the Gospel" Paul says it in his letter but does not really explain it in the subsequent lines. Yet he does have a small explanation earlier I believe because he was a well educated man and would not put something in his letter with out explanation. In verses 9-11 of the first chapter I believe that he gives us a small glimpse of this conduct. Grow in love, discern what is best, and actions are pure and blameless. You all encourage me because when I see you it reminds me of what I need to do to make my actions bounded in love. Through this process if a community starts to remind each other of a conduct in line with Christ it will be able to be unified on another level. That ones will be encouraged to stand. You will suffer for believing in Christ and conducting yourself through love. But as a result you will grow and become solidified in your faith. For in verses 29-30 Paul is speaking of what James wrote in James 1 2-4.

Be encouraged for you all encourage me.