Struggling Christian: Legacy

Today I almost died. Wow. Right now I might not be here, am I shaken? Am I questioning my beliefs? No, I am not. Yet, the only thing that has me thinking is what would my legacy have been?

Some of you might think that I am exaggerating about almost dieing today but truthfully I was about 1/8 of an inch from being with my Father. How? Well I was on an excavator digging a footing for an addition on my father's business. He told me to dig in this area and well I did and broke through a pipe which was supposed to be a few more feet more to the left. The top pipe which I broke the whole way through was the telephone line. The next pipe, which lay directly below the other pipe, was the electric lines that gave power to that building. So the only separation between the excavator and the wires inside was a 1/8 inch pipe. So me saying I was 1/8 inch away from not being here I was not exaggerating although I wish I was.

After this experience I started to ponder the rest of the day, what would have been my legacy been? Who would be glad that I was gone, who would be sad, who would feel guilty, and who would be jealous? Thinking about this I do not like what conclusions I came up with. Because there are so many thing that have not said to people that I care about, forgiveness I have never asked for, and people I have let down. People that I let pride and sin come into our friendship and destroy it, and people that I just do not like just because they are who they are.

Something that happened to me over spring break came to mind while I was thinking about this. One of the nights I was supposed to meet up with some friends (one's in which I was not staying with). Well I sat at the meeting place for 2 hours waiting on them and they never called or showed up. Calling my friends who I had been around the whole week picked me up and we all went to a hotel room and I decided to drink. No big deal because I was in a bad mood and not a one would have argued with me for that decision because of what happened to me before. I had not drank that much (I was still of sound mind) and a friend came walking down the street and saw me. Seeing the beer in my hand she started to ask me questions to why I was drinking for she thought I did not drink. We discussed the situation and my reasoning for drinking and I decided not to drink anymore the rest of the night. Ever since that happened I have replaying that conversation in my mind. Trying to realize why she would say something to me when no one else would, I figure that she gave me more credit for who I was and what I stand for more than I do. She believed in me when most of the time I do not.

After today, I am going to start to live that way. Live a way I was intended to live. I am going to attempt, by God's grace, to live in such a sacrificial loving way that when I do depart from this world to travel to my Father that people will be joyful for they know that I lived up to what I was made for. How I am going to reach this I do not know yet, but I know a book that will let me know how to start on that path. My life will be visual representation to "... the hope I have." (1 Peter 3:15), and my legacy will represent that living hope for which I live.